we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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