im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
