I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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