you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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