We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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