The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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