Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
