Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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