Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
