I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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