you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?