Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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