stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess