she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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