I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.