I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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