you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
