Will you blow on my dice?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
