yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish there were birth control emojis
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
