my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
