I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you made out with another girl for some wings
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
