i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize