My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
