Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
