Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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