Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
