When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
