I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Randomize
