Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
