So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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