No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
