he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
