Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
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Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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