She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
