Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
