Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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