I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
