There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
