all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
