And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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