I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
