I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
