i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
