Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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