Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
