): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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