You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize