Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
