Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
