hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
