I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
