Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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