he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
