I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
