two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
