My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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