That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize