:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
