Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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