i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
