i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
