My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
