i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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