so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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