Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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