Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize