Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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