You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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