This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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