I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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