She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
