I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
