As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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