Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
well you can't waste a boner
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
