so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
