Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
