I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My feet surprised me
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