I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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