She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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