I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
