Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
