Soap is not a condiment
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
