did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
