Betty ford says i'm here all night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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