Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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