We're facebook friends in real life
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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