This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
