Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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