she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
