I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is wine microwaveable?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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