dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
