with your own penis?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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