Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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