Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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