Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
