I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
