the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
